The 90-Second Hourglass: Don’t Let Emotions Break You—Choose to Process Them
We’ve all had those moments — the email that frustrates us, the careless comment that stings, the disappointment that cuts deeper than expected. Emotions rise fast, sometimes overwhelming us before we even know what happened.
But here’s a truth from neuroscience: the chemical surge of an emotional reaction lasts only about 90 seconds. After that, if we’re still upset, it’s not biology anymore. It’s our mind replaying the story.
The Science Behind the 90-Second Rule
Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, a Harvard-trained brain scientist, discovered that when an emotional trigger hits, stress hormones flood the body. That wave takes about a minute and a half to move through our system.
The first 90 seconds are automatic.
Beyond that, we have a choice: let the emotion pass or keep feeding it with our thoughts.
This means the emotion itself is real but fleeting. It’s what we do after those 90 seconds that determines whether the feeling becomes fuel for growth or fire for destruction.
What This Means for Everyday Life
Emotions are God-given signals, but they don’t have to control us. If we can give ourselves just 90 seconds to pause, breathe, and notice the surge, we create space to respond with wisdom instead of reaction.
Imagine the difference:
Instead of snapping back in anger, you wait.
Instead of spiraling into fear, you breathe.
Instead of replaying the insult, you let the wave pass.
What you choose after 90 seconds can change your relationships, your leadership, and your health.
A Biblical Perspective
The Bible affirms this truth:
“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” (Ephesians 4:26)
“Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5)
God acknowledges that emotions will come. But He also gives us the tools to manage them so they don’t take root and rule us.
What Does That Mean to the Pastor?
For pastors and ministry leaders, the stakes are even higher. Shepherding others while being caught in the thrashing waves of unprocessed emotions can be catastrophic — not only for your own health but for your ministry as a whole.
A 90-second surge left unchecked can become a 30-minute rant from the pulpit.
A lingering hurt can distort how you counsel, making someone else’s pain feel personal.
An unresolved offense can bleed into your leadership, creating division in your team or congregation.
When pastors do not learn to let the emotional wave crest and pass, they risk leading from reaction rather than discernment. Over time, this erodes trust, damages credibility, and exhausts both the leader and the flock.
The Physical Cost of Stuffing Emotions
The consequences aren’t just spiritual or relational — they are also physical. When emotions are repeatedly stuffed instead of processed, the body carries the weight:
Stress hormones remain elevated, damaging the heart, immune system, and nervous system.
Suppressed emotions often resurface as chronic fatigue, anxiety, or depression.
Over time, pastors may mistake their health decline for “burnout,” when in reality it is the accumulated cost of unprocessed emotions.
The reality is that many pastors feel they can’t — or shouldn’t — acknowledge negative emotions because they are “called to love.” But ignoring emotions is not holiness. It is avoidance, and avoidance silently eats away at the body, the mind, and the ministry.
Allowing space to process emotions — correctly and intentionally — is not weakness. It is stewardship. By giving yourself room to sit with feelings, discern their roots, and surrender them to God, you protect your health, your calling, and the people you serve.
1 Peter 5:7 — “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”
A Challenge for You
Have you ever stopped to wonder why your responses sometimes feel so intense?
I’m a “patterns” person — because patterns always tell a story. What does your pattern of overreaction reveal about the way you process emotions?
Maybe it’s time to slow down and ask why your reactions feel so overwhelming. And I don’t just mean overwhelming for you — but also for the people who have to navigate around them.
Something is feeding those reactions. The real question is: Are you brave enough to pause, to stand still long enough, and to uncover what that “something” really is?
Takeaway: The 90-second rule reminds us that emotions are powerful but not permanent. Pastors, leaders, and believers alike must choose: will we keep replaying the storm, or will we step into the sunshine of clarity, peace, and grace?