Holistic Healing: More Than Just Talk Therapy
When people hear the word healing, their minds often jump to one thing: talk therapy. And while I believe deeply in the value of good, healthy conversations with trained professionals, I also know this—healing is bigger than words. True healing is holistic. It’s physical. It’s spiritual. It’s emotional. It’s all of you, working together toward wholeness.
I’ve met so many people desperate to “get healthy” who focus only on one area—maybe they start a diet, or commit to daily prayer, or finally schedule that counseling appointment. But here’s the truth: if your mind, body, and spirit aren’t all on board, you’re only doing part of the work.
The Body Remembers What the Mind Tries to Forget
One of the most powerful (and painful) truths I’ve learned is that trauma doesn’t disappear just because we stop talking about it. In fact, the opposite is often true. For those of us who grew up in homes where “we don’t talk about that” was the unspoken rule, our pain often found another place to live—inside our bodies.
Headaches. Stomach issues. Chronic fatigue. Unexplained aches and pains. These can all be the body’s way of carrying what the heart and mind haven’t been allowed to process. Even small unresolved hurts—left unacknowledged—can grow into something much larger, showing up in physical symptoms years later.
Healing Is a Full-Body Function
Processing hurt, pain, and trauma is not just a mental exercise—it’s a full-body function. Your nervous system plays a role. Your muscles carry tension. Your heart rate and breathing patterns can shift based on what you’ve experienced, even if you can’t consciously connect the dots. That’s why true healing means paying attention to all parts of yourself.
Holistic healing might include:
Spiritual work: Prayer, scripture, worship, and community support
Emotional work: Therapy, journaling, grief processing, and safe conversations
Physical work: Movement, nutrition, rest, and learning how to calm your body’s stress response
When we address all three, we give ourselves the best possible chance to heal deeply and completely.
The Courage to Begin
The work isn’t always comfortable. In fact, it can be downright exhausting to open the boxes we’ve tucked away in our hearts. But I believe God created us to live in wholeness—not just survive, but thrive. That means caring for our bodies, our minds, and our spirits with intention.
If you’re carrying something heavy, maybe today is your first step toward putting it down. Not by rushing through it, but by inviting God and trusted people into the process—and letting your whole self finally breathe again.
When Leaders Carry Invisible Wounds: The Impact of Unresolved Trauma on Ministry
Leaders often look steady from the outside — confident, capable, ready to take on whatever comes. But sometimes, beneath that polished surface, there are wounds no one else can see. These aren’t small scrapes from a hard day. They’re deeper. They’re the kind of wounds that linger in the shadows of the heart — the ones we carry from seasons of pain that were never fully processed or healed.
In ministry, these wounds can be especially dangerous because they hide behind a smile, a sermon, or a leadership role. We’ve learned how to “show up” even when we’re breaking inside. But the truth is, what we haven’t healed will eventually show itself — in our relationships, our decisions, and our leadership.
What Is Unresolved Trauma?
When we hear the word trauma, many people picture catastrophic events — abuse, war, tragedy. And while those experiences are certainly traumatic, unresolved trauma can also come from quieter, but equally damaging, moments:
Betrayal by someone you trusted.
Church conflict that left you spiritually bruised.
Childhood wounds that were never spoken about.
Seasons of ministry burnout that you pushed through without rest.
Trauma is not always about what happened to you — it’s about what was left unhealed. And when that pain is buried instead of processed, it shapes the way we see God, ourselves, and others.
How Unresolved Trauma Shows Up in Leadership
Even the most seasoned leaders aren’t immune. Unresolved trauma can seep into every area of leadership, often without us realizing it. It may look like:
Difficulty trusting — keeping people at arm’s length because letting them close feels risky.
Overreacting to criticism — taking feedback as a personal attack instead of an opportunity to grow.
Avoiding conflict — staying silent when you should speak up, or, on the flip side, engaging in unnecessary battles.
Emotional distance — putting up walls to protect yourself but accidentally isolating the people who care about you most.
Fear-driven decisions — leading more from a place of self-preservation than Spirit-led confidence.
If you’ve noticed these patterns in yourself, it doesn’t mean you’re broken beyond repair — it means there’s healing waiting to happen.
Why This Matters for Ministry
Unresolved trauma doesn’t just affect you — it impacts the people you’re called to serve.
It can distort your view of God’s character, making Him feel more like a taskmaster than a loving Father.
It can cause you to misinterpret people’s intentions, leading to unnecessary division.
It can weaken your ability to hear from God clearly because fear and pain are speaking louder than His voice.
Over time, leading from a wounded place erodes trust, fuels burnout, and leaves the flock without the healthy shepherd they need.
The Path Toward Healing
Healing unresolved trauma takes courage. It means facing the places we’ve avoided because they hurt too much. But it’s also the very thing that sets us free to lead well.
Here are a few ways to start:
Acknowledge your wounds — Denial keeps you stuck. Honesty opens the door to change.
Learn your triggers — Pay attention to what sparks strong emotional reactions. It’s often a clue to where healing is needed.
Invite safe people into the process — A mentor, a counselor, a peer who can listen without judgment and speak truth in love.
Embrace holistic care — Prayer, Scripture, rest, physical movement, and healthy boundaries all work together in the healing process.
Give yourself time — Healing is a journey. You don’t have to arrive overnight.
A Final Word of Hope
Unresolved trauma is not a life sentence. When leaders choose to face it head-on, they don’t just become better leaders — they become freer, healthier people. And from that place of freedom, their ministry becomes more authentic, compassionate, and Spirit-led.
The church doesn’t need perfect leaders. It needs healed leaders. Leaders who have walked through the fire, faced their own brokenness, and found the courage to step into the spaces where unresolved pain once lived — and choose, finally, to let it go.
The Invisibility of the Pastor’s Wife
Invisible.
She’s in the front row every Sunday.
Smiling. Supporting. Worshiping. Showing up.
But who sees her?
The pastor’s wife is often the silent strength behind the pulpit — praying, counseling, interceding, discerning… all while holding the weight of expectations she never signed up for. No one ever asks her. Often, she has no voice other than the one the congregation forces upon her.
Church culture often defines her role before she ever has a chance to.
And if she doesn’t fit the mold? She fades further into the background.
Some are expected to lead worship.
Some to run women’s ministry.
Some to say nothing at all.
And yet, the emotional toll is rarely studied.
Rarely spoken of.
Rarely supported.
Rarely seen.
In my recent research, pastors interviewed pointed to their spouses as a vital part of their emotional and spiritual support. And yet—there is virtually no formal data on the mental health of pastors’ wives. No frameworks for care. No roadmaps for their wellbeing.
It’s time we start paying attention.
Because the health of the leader often hinges on the strength of the unseen one beside them. She has a voice. Her pain is valid.
Let’s make space to see her. To ask. To honor.
Because shepherds' wives carry a weight that deserves to be named.
#PastorsWife #ChurchLeadership #ClergyCare #MinistryMarriage #FaithAndMentalHealth #CrownedWarrior #WomenInMinistry
The Many Hats of a Pastor’s Wife — And Why None of Them Define You
Who is the woman behind the title of “pastor’s wife”?
If you’ve ever been introduced as “the pastor’s wife,” you know the mix of emotions that title can bring. Sometimes it’s said with admiration, sometimes with curiosity, and sometimes with assumptions about what you should be doing in the church. But here’s the truth — before you were “the pastor’s wife,” you were you. And that matters. I’ve met so many women who couldn’t wait to become a pastor’s wife. They knew that’s who they wanted to be from day one. Well, that woman was not me. Ever. It was the furthest thing from my mind. But God’s sense of humor had other plans and in 2015 I was christened into the sisterhood of the “pastor’s wife” club.
But there was no manual to follow. No set of rules of engagement to review. I just dove in and prayed for the best! Now, a decade later- I’ve spoken with pastor’s wives who feel like they are always on stage, constantly under the microscope, and sometimes carrying the invisible weight of their spouse’s ministry. They attend every service, every meeting, every dinner — often without anyone realizing that they also have their own dreams, jobs, and passions. The role can be rewarding, but it can also be lonely and confusing if you forget who you are outside of the title.
Scripture to Anchor Us
Psalm 139:14 reminds us: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
God didn’t create you to be defined only by your husband’s calling. He made you with your own unique wiring, giftings, and assignments — and they are just as valuable in His Kingdom.
The Danger of Losing Yourself
When you let the role overshadow your identity, burnout, resentment, and even spiritual numbness can creep in. That’s because your worth is never meant to rest solely on what you do for the church. When your sense of value comes only from meeting expectations, you risk losing touch with the person God uniquely designed you to be.
The Power of Self-Knowledge
Here’s what I encourage every pastor’s wife to ask herself:
Who am I when no one is watching? (THIS ONE IS A BIGGIE!)
What brings me joy outside of ministry?
What are my personal callings that complement — but are not limited to — my husband’s?
When you know the answers, you can serve with confidence, set healthy boundaries, and say “yes” without resentment — because your “yes” is rooted in clarity, not obligation.
Practical Ways to Protect Your Identity
Cultivate Friendships Outside the Church. Find people who love you for you, not for your role. These friendships can be life-giving in seasons when ministry feels heavy.
Schedule Time for Your Own Passions. Whether it’s painting, hiking, reading, or taking a class, your hobbies matter. They’re not selfish — they’re soul care.
Clarify Your Boundaries Early. Decide ahead of time which responsibilities are yours and which aren’t. Communicate them kindly but firmly when needed.
Why This Matters
Healthy churches need healthy leaders — and that includes the spouses. Your emotional health directly impacts your marriage, your family, and your ministry. Taking the time to nurture your personal identity isn’t just good for you; it’s good for everyone you serve.
Closing Encouragement
Dear friend, you are more than a title. You are a daughter of the King, with a purpose that goes far beyond the walls of your church. When you embrace who you are in Christ, you can support your spouse’s ministry without losing yourself in it — and that’s when your influence becomes both sustainable and joy-filled.
When the Congregation Writes Your Job Description — Without Asking You
It all begins with an idea.
If you’ve been in ministry for more than a month, you’ve probably noticed something: some congregations have a “job description” for the pastor’s wife… and it’s not written down anywhere. You discover it in comments, sideways glances, or whispered comparisons to the last pastor’s wife. Sometimes it’s wrapped in compliments. Sometimes it’s served cold as criticism. Either way, it can leave you wondering, Who exactly am I supposed to be here?
The truth? You are more than “the pastor’s wife.” You were a whole person before you ever stepped into the role, and you will remain a whole person long after. You carry titles like daughter, friend, wife, mother, grandmother, aunt — and each of these identities matters just as much as the one tied to your husband’s calling.
The danger comes when you start measuring your worth by how well you meet other people’s expectations. If you let the congregation define you, you risk slowly losing yourself. You may even wake up one day feeling like a stranger in your own skin.
Why Self-Knowledge Is Your First Line of Defense
Before you can stand firm against outside pressures, you must know who you are.
What do you enjoy?
What recharges you?
What drains you?
What breaks your spirit — and what builds it?
If you can answer these questions with honesty, you’ll have a filter for deciding which expectations to embrace and which to graciously decline.
The Power of Pre-Deciding
When a new church family meets you, they may subconsciously (or very consciously) project their preferences onto you.
“She should lead the women’s ministry.”
“She should play piano.”
“She should host every shower and funeral meal.”
“She should always be available.”
Some of these may align with your gifts. Others will not. By pre-deciding your boundaries and priorities, you protect your health, your marriage, and your personal calling. That’s not selfishness — that’s stewardship.
Why Relationships Outside the Church Matter
One of the healthiest choices you can make is to have friends who know you, not just your role. Friends who will laugh with you, cry with you, and remind you that you are more than Sunday mornings and ministry meetings. These relationships help you process without fear of judgment and give you a safe place to just be yourself.
A Gentle Reminder
Jesus didn’t allow people’s expectations to determine His actions. He said “yes” when it aligned with His mission, and “no” when it didn’t — even if people didn’t understand. You have that same freedom in Him.
The congregation may have ideas about who you should be, but your Creator already decided who you are. And that identity is far more beautiful, steady, and life-giving than any man-made list of “shoulds.”
More Than a Title: Thriving as a Pastor’s Wife Without Losing Yourself
Who do you say you are?
The role of a pastor’s wife can be both beautiful and brutal. On one hand, you get a front-row seat to miracles, life change, and the deep work of God in people’s hearts. On the other, you often carry burdens no one else sees, navigate criticism that isn’t aimed directly at you but still hits home, and live under an invisible magnifying glass.
And yet — you are more than a title.
The healthiest pastor’s wives I know have learned to root their identity in Christ first, their family second, and their ministry role third. They understand that while ministry is a calling, it’s not the sum total of their worth or purpose.
Practical Ways to Stay Grounded
If you want to thrive in this role without losing yourself, consider these practices:
Stay anchored in personal devotion. Not just the scriptures you study for ministry, but the ones that feed your soul.
Set clear boundaries. It’s okay to say “no” to requests that don’t align with your season of life, your spiritual gifts, or your capacity.
Nurture life-giving hobbies. Paint, garden, read, hike — do things that remind you you’re a whole person, not just a role.
Keep a trusted circle. Have at least a couple of people you can call when you need to be honest without worrying it will end up in the church gossip chain.
Permission to Change
One of the lies pastor’s wives often believe is that once you start doing something, you have to keep doing it forever. But God may shift your assignments over time. The needs of your family, your church, and your own health will change — and it’s okay to adjust accordingly. Flexibility is not failure; it’s wisdom.
A Word on Legacy
You’re leaving an example for the women who will come after you. By living authentically and taking care of yourself, you model what healthy ministry looks like — and you give future pastor’s wives permission to do the same.
Your worth was never in the role to begin with. It’s in the One who called you, the One who sustains you, and the One who sees every unseen act of love and sacrifice.
So live, love, and lead from that truth. Not only will you thrive — you’ll leave a legacy that outlasts every title.